


came out new (all because of you)

by kanertazers



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: (not theirs), 5+1 Things, Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Cuddling, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Marriage, Weddings, like so much fluff sorry im soft, there's a lot of cuddling in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-29 08:38:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15069374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanertazers/pseuds/kanertazers
Summary: "Dan couldn’t imagine loving any other person like this, and he tries not to think about how his life might have turned out if he had never gotten the courage to message Phil in the first place. He had made his home with Phil and he didn’t see the point in hiding that anymore. He had been making videos about living his truth, and this was it. Sleepy days spent cuddled up on the sofa watching anime, late nights spent talking about parallel universes and space, deep kisses hello and soft kisses goodbye—these were his truths. It was just time for Dan to live them."orfive times dan told someone about his relationship with phil (and one time he told everyone else)





	came out new (all because of you)

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to juul and elliot for being my cheerleaders for this little thing. love you both. 
> 
> this is unbeta'd so any mistakes are most definitely my own. this should go without saying, but this is a work of fiction and i (sadly) don't know dan and phil or anyone else in this fic.
> 
> title is from "butterflies" by kacey musgraves

**i. 2010**

“You’ve been staring at that paper for two hours now.”

Dan looked up to see Phil frowning at him from the other end of the sofa. Dan had been at Phil’s flat for nearly four hours now, trying to get homework done. He much preferred to revise somewhere other than the library, and so far this was his favorite spot. Usually he could put on some music and work away at whatever he had been assigned happily while Phil watched something in the background. But tonight, his brain wasn’t really cooperating with him. It seemed as if he was reading the same sentence over and over again.

“I’ve got to get this done before Friday, but I have no idea where to start,” Dan replied, turning his attention back to his laptop screen.

“Do you want my help? I do know a thing or two about English, you know.” Phil asked, and Dan actually considered taking him up on his offer. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d taken advantage of Phil’s English Language and Linguistics degree. This particular paper, however, could wait. Dan didn’t spend as much time as he wanted at Phil’s flat, and he wasn’t about to waste whatever opportunity he had stressing about a paper that he could just finish later.

“Nah, I’ll just work on it later. Thanks though.” Dan closed his laptop and rubbed his eyes. It was half eleven already, and Dan still had to taxi back to his dorm sometime tonight. “Do you want to watch something?”

Before Phil could answer, Dan was already putting his laptop on the floor and grabbing a blanket so he could cuddle in close. Dan was pretty sure this was Phil’s motive all along when he first invited Dan over, but he’d never admit it. Phil was making him watch all of Buffy with him, since he’d never seen the whole series. Phil smiled brightly and wrapped his arms around Dan, pulling him to his chest. The real reason Dan preferred to revise at Phil’s flat was because his nights normally turned out like this—both of them curled up under the fluffiest blanket Dan’s ever experienced, with something quietly playing in the background while they talked softly. They never got too far into an episode before they were giggling about something else entirely, breathless and kissing every chance they could.

“You’ll get the paper done, just don’t stress about it,” Phil said, attempting to quiet some of the impending stress about deadlines that was beginning to invade Dan’s brain. He pressed a light kiss to Dan’s forehead and ran a hand down his back soothingly. Dan smiled up at him.

“Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve procrastinated something to the point of crippling stress.” Dan attempted to joke, hoping that Phil would let him get away with his bad habits for once.

“You’re just a perfectionist. Now shush, this part is good.”

They had barely started a second episode when Dan began to drift off into sleep every few moments. After a few minutes of trying and failing to stay awake, he finally stretched and stood up. Phil watched him sleepily from his nest of blankets and pillows. “Did you want to stay?” He asked, like always.

Dan rolled it around in his mind. It wasn’t rare for him to spend the night, and waking up for breakfast and coffee with Phil was slowly becoming one of his favorite things in the world, but his university schedule had other ideas for him.

“You know I would, but I have that terrible morning lecture on Wednesdays,” Dan replied.

“I’ll call you a taxi then.”

On the ride back to his dorm, Dan couldn’t help but smile to himself. He felt immeasurably lucky to be in Manchester with the one person that’s always made him feel safe, even if he was miles away and only visible on a computer screen. Coming to Manchester for uni was one of this best decisions, but it had been hard adjusting to living on his own for the first time. Phil being here had made it all immeasurably easier. He watched the streets of this new city pass by outside his window, and wondered if it was possible to feel safe and scared at the same time.

When he got back to his dorm, one of his flatmates was in the kitchen. He startled when he saw Dan, not expecting to see anyone at this late of an hour.

“Coming in from a party or something?” He asked, with a teasing tilt to his smile.

“No,” Dan said, brushing past him to grab a glass of water. “I was at Phil’s.”

“You spend a lot of time there. You must be really good mates.”

Dan thought about warm tea and cold feet against his calf during their many cuddling sessions. He thought about goodnight kisses and good luck text messages and all the things in between.

“He’s actually my boyfriend. We’ve been dating for a while,” Dan said abruptly, and then took a long drink from his glass.

His flatmate looked just as surprised at Dan’s words as he felt.

“Oh. Well, uh. Well that’s great then, mate.” He said awkwardly.

“Thanks,” Dan returned.

He sat down his glass and then retreated to his room. He wasn’t really sure what had inspired him to come out to his flatmate at three in the morning, but Dan couldn’t help but feel happiness bubble up in his chest. He wanted someone, even if it was his awkward flatmate, to know about Phil and what he meant to Dan. They hadn’t consciously decided whether they were going to tell all their friends about their relationship or not, but Dan wanted to keep most of his private life to himself, to keep this thing with Phil between them where it was safe. But telling his flat mate felt good. It felt like the first step in the right direction. He sent a text to Phil to say he’d made it home, and then slipped off into sleep.

He didn’t think about his paper once.

 

**ii. 2012**

Somewhere Dan read that moving is one of the most stressful things a person can do in their lifetime. Moving into a new place in London with Phil was no exception to this unwritten rule—their old Manchester apartment was filled to the brim with boxes of clothes and memories. They had decided to make the big move from Manchester to London one evening after getting off the phone with the BBC. Since the Christmas radio show had gone so well, the BBC wanted them to do their own weekly show on Radio 1. Between this and his subscriber count, Dan couldn’t believe his life.

“I think we need to move,” Phil whispered that night from his place in bed beside Dan. Dan gave up on pretending to sleep and turned over to search for Phil’s face in the darkness. He thought about their first night in this apartment, how happy Dan had felt. It had felt like all the stars had aligned for him.

“Kind of attached to this place though. It feels like ours.”

Phil placed a gentle hand on Dan’s face, brushing his thumb across Dan’s bottom lip. “The London place can be ours, too.”

 It was a scary conversation, but one they had been needing to have for a while. Dan knew just as well as anyone that if he was really going to commit to this Youtube thing, he’d probably have to move to London, where it was all happening. Besides, so many of their friends that they had met through the community were already living there. With this radio show offer from BBC, it was just the logical thing to do.

But that didn’t make it any less scary.

Dan wasn’t exactly scared of commitment or anything, but he felt like moving to a whole new city with someone is a big step for any relationship, and he was having a minor panic about the whole thing. It didn’t help that he was visiting his parents for a few days, either.

“Are you sure you want to drop everything and go to London? What about your friends in Manchester?” His mum asked. She and had been questioning him over their lunch for the past fifteen minutes and Dan was reaching the end of his limits.

“We’ve got friends in London,” he replied, attempting to be patient. Thankfully she had moved on from the topic of university and law degrees and student loans.

“And you’re still living with Phil,” she continued.  “Don’t you think it’s about time that you start looking for something serious?”

This, it turned out, happened to be the last straw for Dan. He knew she had good intentions, but she tended to gloss over areas of Dan’s life that didn’t suit her. She always referred vaguely to his relationship with Phil, like it was something that would go away if she turned her head long enough. It wasn’t like Dan was much help, either—he tried his best to keep his life with Phil separate from his life with his parents. But maybe that needed to change.

Dan took a deep breath. “Listen,” he began, “me and Phil are serious. As in, I plan on living with him for a very long time, whether or not that’s alright with you.”

His outburst seemed to quiet his mum, and they finished their lunch in an uncomfortable silence. Dan spent the rest of his visit making small talk with his family, counting down the hours until he could return to his home in Manchester, his packing, and his Phil.

A few days later, Dan was in the middle of wrestling a box full of clothes shut when his mobile rang from the other room. Phil found Dan and brought it to him. There was packing tape stuck on Dan’s old sweater that Phil was wearing. If Dan questioned him about it, Phil would just say that he had packed all of his, but they’d both know that was a lie.

“It’s your mum,” he said, with a sympathetic look. As soon as Dan had come home from his parents, he had vented to Phil about their conversation. Phil, of course, was sympathetic but Dan knew he didn’t really understand—Kath had taken Dan in as part of the family almost as soon as they met. Phil had only met his parents a handful of times, and each time had felt uncomfortable and forced.

Dan sighed, standing up to take his mobile from Phil.

“Hi, mum,” he answered quietly.

“Hi, Dan. I know you’re probably busy packing and all, but I just wanted to ring you and apologize for the other day. I wasn’t really thinking about what I was saying, and I didn’t want you to go back to Manchester thinking I disapproved of you or didn’t accept you.”

His mum’s words didn’t sound forced or practiced; she genuinely meant what she was saying. Dan felt his throat close up. These were the words he had been waiting from his mum since he was sixteen or younger. He’d spent so many years closed off from his parents, hoping for understanding but never getting very far. Maybe things were finally going to turn around. He was choked up, but answered his mum back anyway.

“Thank you, really. That means a lot, mum.” Phil noticed the shift in Dan’s mood almost immediately and took a few steps closer, always ready to provide comfort and reassurance whenever Dan needed it the most. They’d probably both celebrate this later, with happy tears and the rest of the wine they had in the fridge.

“Maybe you could bring Phil by for Christmas? I’m sure he’d love to meet Colin—I know you said he loves dogs.”

Dan glanced up and met Phil’s eyes. Phil returned his glance and gave him a small smile, completely unaware of what his mum was saying, but somehow knowing exactly what Dan needed anyway.

“Yeah, I think we’d love that.”

**iii. 2018**

They had stopped somewhere in America. Dan wasn’t exactly sure which state they were in—some parts of America seemed to stretch on for eternity, just farmland and empty fields for as far as you could see. Somewhere in between Houston and St. Augustine they’d even lost their wifi signal, which made Dan restless and Phil carsick, even on a bus this big. Needless to say, Dan was getting pretty tired of the tour bus. They’d spent most of the time on the road, when the wifi worked, on the back of the bus together, catching up on Netflix. This particular morning, however, Phil had woken up with a headache and a cough that just wouldn’t quit, so he’d quarantined himself so that Dan wouldn’t catch whatever he had.

Dan had made the crew stop in some tiny town outside Nashville in order to pick up some medicine for Phil, and now he was stuck out in the heat in search of some place that sold cough medicine. He also wasn’t prepared for the thick humidity that sat heavy on his shoulders. The moisture clung to him, making his shirt sticky with sweat. American humidity actually made him rethink his all black wardrobe.

There was a gas station across the street from where the bus had stopped which seemed pretty promising, and Dan was thankful for the cool air conditioning on the inside. When he stepped inside, the bell above the door dinged to signal his entrance and a middle-aged woman behind the counter gave him a warm smile. He decided to get some snacks while he was stopped, since he wasn’t sure how long they had on the bus until they reached the venue in Atlanta.

This tour, Dan thought, was already going better than TATINOF had. It wasn’t that their first tour wasn’t fun or incredible—Dan actually couldn’t believe the amount of people that showed up to watch them on stage for two hours—but this one just felt more genuine. Every night was different, and each night Dan and Phil were able to be more natural in what they said and how they looked at each other, less rehearsed, less of their love edited out. It felt amazing to go to different parts of the world that they hadn’t been to before, to drink coffee at a café in Amsterdam, or to be sang to on his birthday in Warsaw. To do all of this with Phil, though. That was even better.

Dan tries not to think about it too much, about how far he’s come since he was a teenager, stacking a camera on top of books in his bedroom to film videos. He tries not to think about how far he’s come since he met Phil. They’ve accomplished so much together, and Dan didn’t see it slowing down any time soon.

Dan’s phone buzzed in his pocket, snapping him out of his reverie. He had been staring at the crisp selection for nearly seven minutes. It was their bus driver, asking how much longer Dan was going to be inside. Apparently they needed to be on the road soon if they were going to make it to Atlanta in time for the meet and greet. Dan quickly grabbed some snacks and Phil’s medicine, and then headed to the cash register at the front of the shop.

“You doin’ okay today, darlin’?” The clerk greeted Dan in a deep Southern accent as she scanned his items.

“I’m good, yeah,” Dan said, trying to be polite. He’s never been very good with small talk, especially with strangers.

At the sound of his accent, her face lit up. “Oh! You’re one of those British boys! What’s brought you here of all places?”

“I’m just visiting.” Dan has made the mistake of trying to explain the tour and his job to strangers and those who don’t use the Internet before, and it’s always been a hassle. He’s learned to just make something up instead and save everyone some time.

She told him the total for his purchases, and then gestured to the cough medicine. “And you’re sick, too! Bless your heart.”

 “Oh, it’s for my boyfriend, actually. He’s got quite the cold,” Dan replied, smiling to himself. He always did when he brought up Phil, even to strangers in the middle of nowhere.

So Dan wasn’t really sure what he was expecting when her features were immediately closed off. He had been warned that some parts of America weren’t going to be as accepting or tolerant as what he was used to, but he hadn’t really taken the warning to heart.

“Well, y’all be sure to be careful in this heat. I hope your friend gets to feeling better,” the clerk gave one last tight lipped smile, and Dan was on his way out into the heat again. Dan wasn’t sure if it was the cheerful good nature of the woman, or all of Dan’s soppy thoughts from earlier that made him reckless enough to out himself to a random stranger in Tennessee, but he supposed it doesn’t really matter.

Dan was tired of hiding who he was. At first, when his YouTube channel really started picking up steam, he had been scared. It was hard to suddenly have millions of eyes on your every move, and Dan just wanted to keep his personal life private. Now though, Dan was 27 and Phil was 31, and they’ve had many conversations whispered across sheets and pillows in the safety of their bedroom about forever homes and dogs and settling down. They knew that eventually they’d have to give their subscribers some answers. Dan didn’t want to wait until he had a wedding ring on his left hand to do it, but there was always something holding them back from telling everyone. In 2016, it was the book. After the book, they wanted to wait until after the tour. In 2017, Dan wanted to wait until he had a better handle on his mental health. And now, they had decided to wait until after this tour, too

But Dan wasn’t anxious anymore. He knew Phil was in it with him for the long haul, and soon he’d be able to tell more than just a stranger in a shop. Not today maybe, but soon.

That was good enough for Dan.

**iv. 2017**

Dan was exhausted. After the absolute mess that his entrance into the United States was, the long list of events he had to be at for Playlist Live was nearly too much for him to handle. Dan didn’t mind YouTube conventions that much—he liked meeting fans and seeing friends that he doesn’t get to see that often, but all the panels and social events have the tendency to drain him. This convention was even worse because Dan knew he had to include a ridiculous flight to the Bahamas at the end of it since he had fucked up by saying he was only using his work visa for three days.

By the time they had finished their first panel, Phil knew something was wrong. He pulled Dan aside on their way to the next event.

“Are you feeling okay?” His brows were knitted in concern.

“Just a bit tired,” Dan replied. With anyone else Dan would have brushed it off, pretended to be fine. This was Playlist Live, after all. Dan used to dream about being in this position. It was useless to pretend with Phil though—he always saw right through him.

“Did you still want to come out to dinner with us?”

Dan hesitated. He did want to come out to dinner and see his friends, to laugh and be social. But he also really wanted a break. Before he could answer, Phil continued.

“Why don’t you just get some rest? I’ll tell the others you’re feeling ill. They’ll understand,” Phil gave him a warm smile and Dan’s heart clenched.  

Sometimes he takes for granted how easy it is to love Phil, to know someone so well, and to be loved in return. They start walking again and Dan thinks about all the times he’s tried to hide from Phil, tried to keep him from seeing all the ugly parts of himself. Dan always thought he was too much for another person to handle, but Phil had never once backed down or turned his back on Dan. Through dropping out of uni, identity crises, and the worst of his depression, Phil had been there, steadfast and patient. Dan wasn’t sure what kind of saint he had been in a past life to deserve having Phil in this one, but he was grateful for it anyway. Dan brushed the back of Phil’s hand, but didn’t dare do more. There were always other YouTubers around, YouTubers who didn’t know them, but pretended that they did for clickbait and views. Dan hoped Phil could feel his gratitude.

When they were done with events for the day, Phil made a big deal about tucking Dan in to their hotel bed, giggling despite Dan’s protests. After making sure Dan was snug and safe in bed, Phil dropped a kiss to the other boy’s forehead and breezed out of the room with promises to tell everyone hi and to bring back leftovers.

Once Phil had left, the room felt too quiet, too empty. Feeling restless, Dan itched to get his laptop out and look at Twitter to see what his subscribers were saying about their events, but he knew that wouldn’t do much to help him relax. After maybe thirty minutes of trying to sleep and failing, Dan decided he should at least try and explore the convention a little.

As much as he loved his audience, he wasn’t in the mood for pictures and swarms of people trying to talk to him, so he limited his exploring to areas of the hotel that were for content creators only. Most of the areas were pretty deserted, and Dan assumed everyone was either at an event or were at Universal or Disney for the evening. Dan was about to head back up to his hotel room in defeat when he saw a familiar head of blonde hair across the room.

As Dan approached, a grin broke out across Tyler’s face. Without hesitation, Tyler wrapped Dan up in a tight hug.

“Dan! How have you been?” He asked, still holding on to Dan tightly.

“I’m good! Had a bit of trouble getting here, but that’s nothing new for us,” Dan joked, and then went on to tell the story of the airport fiasco and how he’ll have to travel to the Bahamas for an afternoon tomorrow just to reenter America as a tourist instead.

“At least you can get a good video out of it,” Tyler pointed out. “Where is Phil?” He asked, looking around behind Dan as if Phil might materialize out of thin air. Dan supposes it is a bit odd to see one without the other. So odd, in fact, that they joke the universe might split in half if they ever go too far apart. It might be a bit dramatic, but Dan thinks _his_ universe depends on Phil being beside him most of the time.

“He’s out at dinner with some friends. I decided to stay behind and get some rest, but it seems that’s impossible,” Dan says, trying for a light tone.

“It’s probably good to have time apart,” Tyler jokes, and Dan wonders how much Tyler knows about them. He’s been to their flat and spent loads of time with them together, but they’ve never confirmed or denied their relationship to Tyler. But Dan figures he probably knows, and he can’t bring himself to care. Fuck it, Dan thinks, he probably needs more gay friends in his life.

“Yeah, we’ve spent so much time together over the years I’m surprised we haven’t ended up in couples therapy,” Dan tries to keep up the banter, but he can’t help but notice the way Tyler’s eyebrows raise slightly.

“Dan,” he says, suddenly serious, “I know I’m just being nosy and I would never say anything, but are you two actually together?” Tyler, bless him, had made sure no one was listening before he had asked. He’s probably done this a few times, Dan thinks.

“Yeah,” Dan says, letting out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding in. “Yeah, we are.”

Tyler broke out in another dazzling smile and gave Dan another bone crushing hug. “I was rooting for you two this whole time! I’m really glad to hear it.” He leads Dan back down to the table he was sitting at, probably hoping to hear more about Phil.

It felt good for another creator to know, to let someone who wasn’t a part of their immediate friends and family in. Dan had always wondered what it would be like to have content like Tyler’s, to be completely open about his sexuality and relationships. A few years ago, Dan wouldn’t have been ready for that responsibility (or for that vulnerability). But now, Dan feels ready. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a lot to learn.

“What was it like for you to come out? To have everyone know?”

Tyler laughed a little and shook his head. “Well, I don’t think there was any hiding it. But it did feel good to finally be able to be myself one hundred percent of the time. It still does. It’s also given me chances to be a voice for my community, to help my fans and stuff. I don’t regret it.”

Dan let this sink in. That was what he wanted—to be himself, to be a voice. There was still a small part of him, left over from years of denying himself his own truth, that was scared. He wished it didn’t have to be such a big deal, that he could just be himself and not explain any of it. Why didn’t straight people have to come out, anyway?

“Are you thinking about coming out?” Tyler asked gently.

When Dan nodded, Tyler gave him a warm smile. “Then we’ll be with you all the way.”

They talked for a while longer about Twitter drama and celebrity crushes. He probably would have stayed there for longer if it weren’t for Phil texting Dan to say that he was on his way back to the hotel. Dan said goodbye to Tyler with another hug and made his way back to the room before Phil could realize he had ever left in the first place. He was nestled soundly in his blanket cocoon for only three minutes before Phil came in the room, carrying leftovers as promised.

“Honey, I’m home!” He declared in his terrible American accent.

Dan couldn’t help but laugh. “Hi, love,” he said, leaning up to greet Phil with a warm kiss.

“You do look more rested,” Phil commented as he sat on the bed to take his shoes off.

Dan thought about all he had talked about with Tyler, his firm support and sound advice. Dan felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders that he wasn’t even conscientious of before. He knew that none of this was going to be easy, but Dan wasn’t as scared anymore. He had a lot of amazing people in his corner to cheer him on.

He just smiled over at Phil. “I do feel much better, actually.”

“Think about it,” Phil started, with a goofy grin on his face, “after your vacation to the Bahamas tomorrow, you’ll be relaxed _and_ tan.”

“Oh, shut up,” Dan shouted, sitting up in order to shove Phil.

“I love you,” he giggled, doing the laugh where his tongue goes between his teeth. Dan’s heart soared.

“I love you, too.”

**v. 2019**

Dan was a secret lover of weddings, and despite his edgy branding, he cried nearly every time he attended one. Felix and Marzia’s wedding was no exception. They had been surprised to see the invitation come in the post, since they had only spent a short amount of time with the couple. Dan was excited to go though, so he bought a pair of coordinating suits and Phil booked the plane tickets.

 The wedding itself was a quiet affair; it was held outside in the late September afternoon. Dan, as always, teared up at the vows and Phil placed a comforting hand on his knee for the remainder of the ceremony. After the ceremony was over, the guests spilled over to the reception area for the dancing and drinks. Dan drifted from Phil for a few moments to say hi to those he knew and to congratulate Felix and Marzia, but he never strayed from Phil for very long. Weddings made Dan teary, yes. But they also made him even more sentimental.

An old Beatles song drifted over the speakers and Dan turned his attention away from the other couples to look at Phil. He was, of course, beautiful under the glow of the setting sun. There was an open bar that Dan hadn’t had a drink from, but he still felt a little tipsy here, in love.

“Golden hour looks good on you,” Dan said into Phil’s ear as he slid a hand underneath the back of Phil’s suit jacket. Phil just blushed and turned further into Dan.

“Did you want to dance?”

Dan nodded and let Phil pull him out on to the dance floor, thankful for the no vlogging rule that Marzia had firmly put into place. Dan had been to a lot of YouTuber parties where he’s had to keep his distance from Phil, careful of the cameras and eyes on them, even when he was drunk and clingy. He always left those parties feeling tired, and he always held on to Phil tighter when they went to bed that evening.

They weren’t very good dancers, and with Phil’s two left feet, it was usually up to Dan to lead anytime they attempted to slow dance. They didn’t dance much, usually only when they were feeling soppy after a song that reminded them of the other came on. Dan can remember many slow dances in socked feet in their kitchen, lit up only by the streetlights outside. Dan’s stomach flips thinking about it. He pulls Phil in closer and rests his face in the space where Phil’s shoulder meets his neck, breathing him in. Butterflies, after all this time.

“Do you think our wedding will be inside or outside?” Phil asks softly.

It takes everything Dan has to not get down on one knee in that moment and ask Phil properly. He’s heard getting engaged at someone else’s wedding is in poor taste, so he keeps swaying instead. It’s not that they haven’t talked about getting married before. Dan’s suspected that Phil has a ring hidden somewhere around the flat, but Dan never looks for it or asks. He figures he’ll find out when it’s time, and that’s alright with him.

Dan first approached the topic of marriage when Dan had visited with Phil’s parents for Christmas for the first time. They were so close to asleep, curled up in Phil’s childhood bed, the very one Dan had seen in the background of so many Skype calls in what seemed like a lifetime ago.

“Do you think we’ll get married?” Dan whispered with his eyes closed, not daring to watch for the reaction on Phil’s face. He took so long to reply that Dan thought he might have fallen asleep.

“I think we will,” came his soft reply. “I think you’re it for me, Dan.”

A change of song brought Dan back to the present. He wasn’t sure if it was fast or slow—neither of them cared. Dan was planning on staying on the dancefloor with Phil until the sun came up, long after everyone else had gone home.

“I’d like an outside wedding, I think,” Dan answered. “We could get lots of flowers, hire someone to water them so you don’t kill them before the wedding.” He said it only to get a rise out of Phil, to feel his laughter tickle the side of his face. Dan kissed him on his temple to make up for it, breathless and happy.

Dan’s hand found it’s way under the back of Phil’s shirt, and he felt Phil’s smooth back and warm skin. If he was tipsy off of Phil before this dance, he was beyond intoxicated now. Dan didn’t care who was watching, who would talk about it later. He was in his own little world with Phil, thinking about his own vows and how he was going to keep it together at his wedding when the day finally came.

“You sure you don’t just wanna go to Japan and get eloped or something?” Dan asked, pulling back to look at Phil, a twinkle in his eye.

“Absolutely not,” Phil replied, serious. “I want everyone to see how much I love you.”

And how was Dan supposed to argue with that?

**+1**

As soon as Dan woke up, he knew that today was the day. He kept his eyes shut for a while longer, hoping that if he never opened them then nothing would change. He could just stay in bed with Phil forever. Phil had other plans.

“I know you’re awake, babe. You’ve got to get up because I think I knocked my glasses off the bedside table in the middle of the night and you’ve got to find them.” Phil’s voice was very groggy, but urgent. This wasn’t the first time Dan’s had to locate Phil’s glasses for him. It really should be added to his job description at this point.

Before he could stop it, a laugh spilled out of Dan’s mouth. This day might be the biggest day of their life together so far, and Phil was starting it like this. Dan couldn’t help but love him, blurry vision and all. Once the glasses were located and the coffee was made, Dan checked his phone. He had a few texts from close friends who knew that today was the Day. Tyler was one of them.

_Remember what I said at Playlist. Love you always._

Tyler had ended the text with lots of hearts and at least three rainbow emojis. Dan smiled and brought two mugs of coffee to the sofa where Phil was already queuing up an anime. Dan was grateful for the routine, for how mundane everything seemed. Phil had been ready to come out a while ago, but was content to wait until Dan was ready. He wasn’t unaware of how big of a deal this was to Dan, but he wasn’t acting like anything was different, either. Dan supposes nothing is. After all, nothing would really change. Sure, they’d probably never hear the end of it from their viewers, and some people might treat them differently, but most people had just always assumed anyway. Dan would still get to wake up and fall asleep next to Phil, would still get to live his dream job. He couldn’t think of anything he wanted more.

They had thought long and hard about how they wanted to come out to their subscribers and to the world. They knew a video wasn’t really their style, and Phil was in favor of never really officially saying anything and instead just stopped trying to hide. It was tempting to do that, but Dan knew he couldn’t live in the limbo of that, couldn’t avoid questions forever. He just needed to rip the band-aid off. They had decided to make a tweet, something short and sweet that would say everything that needed to be said.

Dan had picked one of this favorite pictures with Phil from his camera roll, a sweet one from when they visited Japan. Dan was trying to get a selfie of himself and the view from their hotel window, but Phil had snuck up and kissed him on the cheek before he could get the picture. The result is one of Dan laughing, Phil’s lips pressed to the corner of Dan’s mouth.

_“my soul mate, my best friend of ten years and counting. love you endlessly.”_

Dan looked across the sofa where Phil was sitting. His glasses were dirty and his quiff was a sleep rumpled mess, but Dan melted all the same. His stomach still did the weird diving thing that it did all those years ago in the train station in Manchester. Dan couldn’t imagine loving any other person like this, and he tries not to think about how his life might have turned out if he had never gotten the courage to message Phil in the first place. He had made his home with Phil and he didn’t see the point in hiding that anymore. He had been making videos about living his truth, and this was it. Sleepy days spent cuddled up on the sofa watching anime, late nights spent talking about parallel universes and space, deep kisses hello and soft kisses goodbye—these were his truths. It was just time for Dan to live them.

Dan squeezed Phil’s hand right as he hit send on the tweet, and he never looked back.

**Author's Note:**

> some other notes:  
> 1\. i am (sadly) american, so i tried my best to use british slang but i probably missed some  
> 2\. the timeline for this might be wrong but i needed certain things to fit in certain places so i took liberties  
> 3\. idk if tyler was at playlist that year, but i like to think that tyler is at every convention, just being a shining beacon to everyone he sees <3  
> 4\. i also dont know when felix and marzia are getting married or if dnp will catch that invite but i wanted cute wedding fluff damn it
> 
> if you'd like, you can come say hi to me on twitter @yeezusdjh  
> okay thats all ty ly bb


End file.
